Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
