i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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