the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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