There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
