Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
