some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
