I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
