Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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