I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
