I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How does one acquire holy water?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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