I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
