Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
