The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize