put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
