New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
