Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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