you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
