Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
