i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
