girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
