Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize