He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize