He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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