shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
