We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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