I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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