Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
