i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
