gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
