I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
