I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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