Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
