why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
