Swine flu. Run for my life!
Duck Duck Cougar?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize