I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's shark week go big or go home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize