If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Mom said you looked used
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
