It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
