I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
