this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
