i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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