the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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