btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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