And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
