he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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