I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He shit in the fireplace
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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