you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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