If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
