I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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