Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You made out with two different species that night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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