I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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