i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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