i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
