I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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