This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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