You just made me feel so damn special
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
