Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize