Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
