Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
