Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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