You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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