is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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