I'm lost and stupid without you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
