she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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