Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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