just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
