once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
