nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
