We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
