did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
