Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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