walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
