I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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