This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
