I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
