so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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