you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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