It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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