im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
