I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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