3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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