Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
