My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
