Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
