Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
