My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
