break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
