Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
