Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize