Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
