that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
