Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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