I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
