a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
