it hurts more in the daytime
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
