Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize