I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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