he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
